Rethinking "What will they think?"

So it is incredibly hard to put yourself out there.  I am constantly wanting approval from other people that I am doing the right thing or that they (go figure) approve.  So why isn't it enough that God loves me?  Why does this human side get to me and throw me for a loop?  This is one of the lessons I am learning each day.  It doesn't matter what other people think!  We're all human so at some point our opinions are faulty anyway.  Why take something faulty as truth?

I don't want Reagan to grow up worrying about other people like I do.  I will say, I am much better at this since having a child but there are those moments of being judged as a "bad mom."  (For instance, when Reagan went head first out of the shopping cart - talk about your mom guilt!!)  If I could spare her some of the lessons I had to learn the hard way, we'd be good to go.  I realize, though, that I can't make her do anything as she gets older.  I can show her my example and try to teach her, but ultimately she'll be a decision making adult.  This is precisely why I need to let go of what other's think and embrace God's love more than I ever have.  If she sees this in me, it is more likely that she won't have those hard lessons later.

Here's another link to a Kim Walker song, How He Loves Us.  It is really amazing!!  The descriptions she gives are unlike anything I've heard before.  "He is jealous for me - loves like a hurricane  - I am a tree - bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy."  It doesn't get better than that.  I think she captures the force with which God loves us!

So today, I surrender again...embracing the love of God that will wash over me no matter what anyone else thinks!  Isn't that what matters?

So the journey begins...

I am definitely on a journey.  I have probably learned more and grown more in the last 6 months than I have in the last 6 years - and my husband would probably agree.  I don't know what it is or what has caused this sudden "growth spurt" but I am liking it.  Don't misunderstand though, it is hard.  I feel challenged so often - over little and big things - and I have lost my footing more than once.  It is almost as though my identity is changing.

For many, many years I felt called to work with children.  I was a teacher and always wanted to be a mom.  I still feel that I can relate to kids and LOVE being home with my own.  She is amazing and funny and is just a true picture of love.  But, I am starting to realize more that I may have pigeon holed myself into thinking kids were my thing.  More and more I am loving to encourage other women.  And it isn't even that I think I do a good job of it, I just love talking with them.  I am finding that if I can share something about myself - a struggle, funny story, whatever - and it reaches someone else, it is deeply satisfying to me.  I feel like God is speaking to me more clearly than ever (and still a little fuzzy most of the time) and has given me words to share with certain people.  I truly feel God at work in my life.  I just cannot explain how satisfying that is.  This is the first time ever I feel like I am remotely getting at his purpose for me.  How amazing!  I could go on and on because I've found that when you find something your excited about and passionate about it just wants to spill over.

I am so blessed!  I love hearing from my friends who are much wiser that I am.  I have learned so much sharing and talking and reading what they've written.  I am thankful for those people who have opened my eyes.  One of those good friends introduced me to Kim Walker, a worship leader in Redding, CA.  Here's a link to one of her songs on YouTube.  It is appropriately called I Surrender.  Read the words, it is amazing!  I hope that God will bless you as you listen!

Here We Go...

I have just recently been reading my Bible on a (pretty much) daily basis.  I feel like I am learning so much about the Lord.  I know that I am continuing to transform with His help.  I can't comprehend the amount of love he has for you or me, but it takes my breath away.  There is nothing like being loved - unconditionally and for no good reason.  I can only surrender every day to what God is doing in me.  I am trying to die each day to Him.  It is not about me.

This is just my attempt to put my struggles, high points, and realizations into words.  I am excited to take this journey and hope that someone else may be blessed by my ramblings.